The Popsicle Rotation Incident

FACTS CONSIDERED

A man put half a popsicle in his mouth and deliberately twirled it during buddy company.

RULING

PAUSE — VIOLATION. The deliberate popsicle twirl created an obvious sexual double meaning that could have been avoided by simply eating the thing. Case closed.

REMEDY

He must finish the next three popsicles using small, regulation bites while holding the wrapper where the full table can see it, then buy freezer treats for every witness forced onto the record.